Convocation

Yes!! This is the time of life that every graduates waiting for!! Its convo time!! sound exicting? Not to me. I always dreamt of graduating, sth that I wanna do when I first entered MMU. Convocation is an event that I looked forward when I'm stressed out with assignments and exams, yet now I found myself giving excuses not to go? Some asked why? Its suppose to be moments of graduates lifetime, its suppose to be something everyone been waiting for, its suppose to be an event that brings all your friends together, catching ups, meet for photoshoot session, maybe you could meet up your respective lecturer, many many more, flowers, the scroll, your moments when your name being called. Part of me just wanna avoid the whole thing, I duno whats into me, I used to like event but now? Maybe its a taste of having enemy, or someone you hate, or someone you dont wish to see anytime soon. Maybe I'm just tired of pretending to be I-am-fine-with-it, or I-dont-care-about-them. Maybe I dont want to face the reality. Maybe I dont know how to face them? Maybe I am really tired.

To hate someone are the hardest thing for me to do. I bet most of you agree with me. To hate someone from the bottom of your heart makes you couldnt even sleep properly or talk properly or arrrggghhh I hate those feelings. I am not saying I am miss goody two shoes, or I am a perfect friends, yet for me, I want a friend more than enemy. Well okay its a lil bit stupid to put it this way, of course everyone wanna have friend not enemy. The fact that I like to like people instead of hating them. To trust people instead of doubting it, to joke with peoples instead of making fun of them, to enjoy with people instead of enjoy accusing them, to yamcha with people instead of planning a plan to get even, to admit my own wrong instead of accusing people it, to do things for people instead of being selfish, to find a way to help those instead of pushing them into trouble, to love instead of getting people to love me, to be me instead of the so called adult b****!!!!Oh man why, what happenned to me? I really hope to erase the hatred inside me, just for the sake of being happy!

I am kinda concerned of one of my friend. Cant find anything through her blog, well yea I did check her blog every now and then or shall I say everyday. Part of me wanna know what happened to her, did she manage to get a job? what really happenned during my HK trip? is she mad at me? did I do something wrong?, haihzz... part of me just concerned about her. Being hurt are almost as someone killed someone that we cared. Well, what can I do now is to keep reading her blog again and again to get something I missed last time. Its just me wanted to do that, well, I guess I'm me being me.

Jobs jobs jobs, I hate looking for jobs, no I mean I hate going for interviews stressing my strength over and over again. Which to choose.... Salary or Career? This is what been playing on my mnd nowadays, not that I have the offer but I know I had a fairly good chances. Maybe I am just greedy, I dislike both of those, I prefer something else, maybe its because of the pressure I've gained from my parents. One of them asked me to choose career, another asked me to choose money. Well for me both are not what I am interested on yet I still need to choose when the time comes. Yet I wanna the third choice, which remained uncertain at some point. I wished to forgone both and go for the thirs yet I still dont know I will given a chance for second interview as I did not do well in my first. Sometimes I just wish that they will call and tell me that I've been rejected so that I wouldn't be doing any silly decisions further. Yea I wasnt very happy with what I had now, in a nutshell? I missed being a STUDENT!!!