Treasure the one you care...

I've just got the news, from unexpected person, and i was stunned. A good friend of mine sister passed away due to accident yesterday morning. I was speechless, and stunned, a sudden urge for me to to remind everyone else, to treasure those they've cared, not only your lovers but also people that actually cared about you, and people that you cared, people's that you have known your life for, people that make differences in your life. I saw her a few times, she was beautiful, a very cheerful girl, and a girl that her family is proud of. I felt sorry for this particular friends, although we did not contact much, but when we do, we will hangout like close friends. Maybe this is what true friends was, and I wasn't there for him, and I was unknown to this incident. Maybe I'm too busy to care, also maybe I couldnt be reached at this point of time, because of exam, I've been isolating everyone just to get some peace in mind. I'm sorry that I couldn't help, sorry for everything that happened, sorry for not being there. I really hope he would be strong, to face this difficulties, and this blog is dedicated to his beloved sister, Melissa Tjen. *may you rest in peace*

a dinner... meaningful one..

i had a dinner with one of my close colleague, we had a nice one, i had a great one. through the dinner we updated each other, despite from my hectic work and breakdowns, also exams, and she was a lil bit busy over there. So i manage to had a dinner with her, stealing her time off from her bf, me stealing a day off from u-know-what. We discussed practically everything, and it reminded me, that yea, i actually missed our time, the time where we shared almost everything, the time when i was u-know-where. i did happily talked about mine too, about the shopping, the movies and also that certain person came back into life, and yea, about u-know-them. as we goes on talking, i realized why I had practically nothing to talk to them, and yet i had so much to talk to her, i felt i couldnt fit into their groups, couldnt say or do what i enjoyed, and be the comfortable me with them. But, i was when i'm with her, maybe its the attitude differences, maybe i just couldnt fit them. i had a great time discussing everything to her, until she says " yea, you are happier now". it makes me wondered why is this? but when i glanced through my past half years, me too, felt that i'm happier now.

when u want it the most, there's no easy way out,
when u r ready to go, there's no heart left it out,
dun give up on ur faith, love will come and get u through,
thats the way it is...

familiar? haha, life? i have been browsing my own entry, and yes, someone said it right, "it felt so grey after reading your blog". well, been out yesterday, a fun day out, for a change, and adding colour to my life. i miss the fun outing, and we sure do have some fun rite? although i'm not feeling that well, but i had fun, laughing all the way, screaming out as all of us wanted, loosing our mind and do whatever we want, wherever we want without any consequences. thank u all!! i had a wonderful break, although its short, i seems to have a big one, gonna miss u all, wish me luck and best of all, i am happy again.

sick?

me: "I'm not feeling well"
A: "why is it? what u had been doing?"

me: "I'm not feeling well"
B: "Why not feeling well? Been at home too much isit?"
me: ()*(&^^%$#@#$%^&*^%$#@$

me: "I'm not feeling well"
C: "why? fever?"
me: -_-"

me: "I'm not feeling well"
D: "stressed?"
me: haih..

me: "I'm not feeling well"
E: "seen doc? wanna me fetch? take more water, call me if anything"
me: AT LAST!!

I was wondering, why is it so? it took so many people to ask me how am i doing?yea, I dont act sick when I chat with peoples, also not in sms.. phone call maybe, coz my voice just show. After staying on bed for 2 days, eating biscuits and panadol consecutively, as if it was rice and vege. why? i just dont know, and i;m fed up to those that states they cared, states they like, states they are friend, do they?

sea saw...

wondered why i post this image up? They said, life's like a sea saw, when someone is on the side rise high, the opposite person will slide down. and when, the person slide, the other rise. all i'm trying to say, life's fair, very fair, everyone will have their time to slide down, everyone will have the time to rise. the thing was, how long they fell? how long will they rise and maintain it high on the sky? we couldnt control when people pull us down when we are rising, but we sure knew how to rise when we slide...

pointless to blame others, the only blame is on ourselves..

today when i woke up, i felt a sudden rush to sit up, forcing me to look up, to those gift, once gave by various people, gift from frens, the true fren, gift from someone that loved me, gift from someone cared, and also gift from those once are my fren, and now i should be their enemy. i just dont know why the heck i look so serious about it, but i felt a sudden pain inside my heart that forces me to stay whole day in my room, thinking back, flashing those memories i had with those. i missed them alot, but what shall i do? or shall i say, what had i done? i had the sudden urge to take up the phone and wanted to sms her, yet i had to admit, i had no gut at all. why is this? i just dont know why. i, too doesnt know why, tears started to drop, it felt a thousand knife had stabbed to my heart, and each stab, stabbed hard into it stating i'm useless, lousy fren. i felt i m back to the same ol' mayling, the useless, lousy, heartless and helpless ones. this time was different, no one was beside me, and no one will be beside me. who will expects me to fall twice? at the very same situation with different group? no one to be there to make me smile when i suffers, no one there to talk to me, no one there to loves me like i deserves it, no one there to lend a hand to pick me up when i fell, no one there to even ... care. it felt so difficult for me to accept it, and this was the first ever time, i blamed myself for everything happened, and i started to hate myself, i just dont know why.