i guess its been a while ever since I blogged. every time when i wanted to write something here, i always find some reason to t write. i guess i didn't want to change the happy mode in this blog.

its new year today, i spent the whole night thinking which is the best new year celebration. i remembered pretty well, the day we hugged and watched the fireworks in his balcony, whispering happy new year with a sweet long kiss. simple, and nice.

a tear slipped my eyes, remembering the feelings and sensation that I've missed so much. ¥es, i'm okay without him in my life now, i guess you can say that i'm over him. yet, deep down, i cried every time i thunked of him. he did not return any of my text, and he wouldn't know, how much I've missed him. its been a year, and he made it clear he didn't want me to be in his life.

is this love? i have known love to be pure, simple and nice. its supposed to make everyone happy, not miserable or something that makes someone unhappy. when i asked anyone that are in love, they told me, when you have found the one, its easy, why is this so hard for me? why is this so hard for us? people says good things will happen in good people. i guess i'm really a bad one. its never easy for me to love, and it never easy for me to be with the one i loved.

i didn't want to say it out loud, because i didn't want to be sympathized by anyone, and yes because i didn't want my best friend to know, i'm still sad.